Setting Expectations for Your Wedding
Family dynamics can be a sensitive and sometimes, contentious subject. If your family is important to you and/or your partner, then the most important thing to remember is to communicate openly and honestly. Even if it causes some hurt feelings or disappointment. Talk with your family about major aspects of your wedding as soon as possible. Things like budget, traditions, guest list, and wedding style.
Budget
For some couples, getting married later in life means paying for the wedding themselves. Some families have money set aside or might want to purchase specific things for the wedding. My mom bought my wedding dress so it was important to me that I bought my daughter’s dress. Talk with your families early so there is no guessing about how much money you can spend and who is paying for what.
Traditions
Talk to your partner about family traditions your family has or family traditions they would like to incorporate into the wedding. Keep an open mind when learning about them even if they may not fit into the overall theme or vibe you want for the day. If it’s a particular song for the ceremony that just won’t fit in, maybe you could play it during dinner or at the dance.
Guest List
This can be a tricky one to navigate. If you and your partner have a large friend list and the budget cannot accommodate all of them and your extended families, you may need to make some cuts. Remember, this is your day and you will want to celebrate with those you are closest to, not necessarily that one cousin you only talk with at weddings and funerals. If you get booked on a guilt trip by one of your relatives, be sure to explain to them your reasoning why and sometimes that is all it takes.
Ceremony Style
Parents dream of the day their children find “the one” and have the planned out in their head…white dress(es), black tie, wedding party in formal wear, dinner, dancing, etc. Then you decide you want jeans, tacos, and karaoke. Hey, this is your day. Do what you want but be sure your family is aware of your plans so they are not shopping for tuxedos and long gowns that might get taco stains on them.
Your Family
If you have a supportive family, this should be fairly easy to navigate. They will, of course, have ideas on who, what, and when, and some of them will be useful. Keep everyone updated and in the loop and this will go a long way in reducing your stress.
The Parent-in-Law
The last thing you want is to remake the movie “Monster-in-Law”. Even if you have a good and healthy relationship with your soon-to-be parent-in-law, there might be some boundaries you need to set to make sure everyone is on the same page. The majority of the time, they just want to be included. They shouldn’t hear major details about the wedding from other people and especially not on social media.
If you do find yourself in what seems to be a remake of the movie (or if it is YOUR family that is difficult), open, honest communication is essential with your partner. Be sure you are both on the same page when it comes to dealing with these types of family matters. You should be able to present a united front and the family should be hearing the same message from both of you. Some couples opt for counseling and even if you don’t have major issues, this is an excellent idea.
Overall, it comes down to communication, empathy, and compromise. Be sure to take a step back and ask yourself what the reason might be behind some tricky situations. Assume good intent and you’ll be able to look past the statue of the donkey that Grandma insists is up at the front of the ceremony.
Remember, less is more.
~ Melissa
