Not all advice “fits”
As soon as you announced your engagement, I’m sure many well-intended friends and family offered up advice on everything from the date to the venue to the band (polka is universal after all, right?). And while some of it was and is useful, be sure to keep your ideals and thoughts for your day in mind.
I was recently talking to a friend who was in the final weeks before their big day. They were very excited and a bit stressed. They were thinking about all the things that still needed to get done and wondering if there was anything they were missing. While this friend was an organized person and very intelligent, they didn’t know where to start when it came to planning a wedding. One thing they were good at was making lists and spreadsheets. So, of course, they had a large spreadsheet with everything they thought was needed. As they planned for the big event over the past year, they checked off all the things that were completed. Looking at it now, all that was left were the little things. All of the big stuff was checked off the list – caterer, florist, photographer, dress, etc. They decided to send it to one of their friends who was very good at planning and organizing.
That friend returned the spreadsheet with notes that went to cell BW. (if you don’t know what cell BW means, it’s A LOT of notes!)
Things like, “Are you going to do it this way or that way?” “Did you think about this?” “Who is responsible for that?” Now my friend is second guessing some of their choices, what they are going to do with some small details, how they are going to do things and did they forget this or that!
Here’s my advice. If you want to send your list to someone for a second look, make sure that person’s definition of “done” is the same as yours – especially when it comes to the small details. If you are the type who just wings things, the “I’ll figure it out when I get there” type, then don’t seek advice from someone who gets a ruler out to make sure the plates are all in alignment or the flatware rolled up in napkins are all facing the same direction. Trying to force yourself into caring about small details will only stress you out more. And likewise, if you care very deeply about the smallest of details, then asking advice from someone who will just throw the napkins on top of the plates will not help calm your nerves.
Not all friends are alike. We all have that friend who we call on for projects. Like when you say “remodel a kitchen” they think in terms of knocking down walls, moving windows and maybe affecting the roofline. (Yes, J, I’m thinking of you!) Then there are other friends who just say, paint the cabinets and get new countertops. And maybe if you are just looking for more of a refresh, you call the latter friend.
Friends and family are great for advice. Most of the time, they will understand your desires and wants and help you achieve the day of your dream. Just make sure you match the type of advice to what your expectations are and don’t feel like you need to move your finish line.
Remember, less is more
~ Melissa
